Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
