drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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