Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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