Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
