So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
