I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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