He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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