it wasn't lemon gatorade
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize