when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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