the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
