You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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