Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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