oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
