this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize