so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Is it penis luge time yet?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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