Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize