I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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