I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
