watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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