I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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