She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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