I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
