Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
