i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
In America we eat man semen.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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