Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
