saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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