2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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