She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
