i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
