My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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