sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize