I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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