If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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