Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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