I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Be still, my beating vagina.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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