Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
