Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
