so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
