i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
