You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
