Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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