He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
