She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
