what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
