you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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