sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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