omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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