Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
