This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
