You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
