I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
