My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
