I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
