fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
