Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
