I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
