God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
