I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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