he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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