so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
