yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
