lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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