On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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