I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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