you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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