I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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