Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
